As a hairstylist and a "woman amongst women", I know that confidence is a huge attribute that sets you apart from your counterparts. While the word confidence is easily defined as "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities", being confident may not always come so easy.
I don't consider myself a people person (I think I'm socially awkward), but I've been told that people gravitate towards me. Women that I know and do not know tend to confide in me. I don't mind it at all. In fact, it humbles me to know that people trust me with their personal business and feelings. Talking to so many ladies (all different ages) has shown me that if you don't have confidence in yourself, you're really not living your fullest life. You will always be "stagnant" in some area of your existence. And who doesn't want to evolve?
I have received numerous emails about how to become truly confident. More so now than ever. Especially since sharing my pregnancy. Oddly enough, I have been contacted my numerous pregnant women who have expressed that they struggle with confidence and becoming pregnant has made it worse. So I have decided to put my tips in a blog post so that all questions may be answered and some may be delivered. LOL.
Here are 10 Easy Ways to Become Truly Confident.
1. Fake it til you make it!
Ever heard the expression, "she lies so much that she starts to believe her own lies"? Well the same thing holds true when it comes to gaining confidence. Sometimes, all you can do is fake it. The world doesn't need to know how you truly feel about yourself. All that matters is that you put your best foot forward and eventually people will reciprocate the energy that you give off. If you put out confident energy, people will look at you as a confident being. Thus, helping you view yourself the way that others view you.
2. Celebrate the things that you like about yourself.
There is nothing more annoying than a negative Nancy! No one cares to know what you hate about yourself. Find your positive attributes and run with that. Toot your own horn every now and again. I'm sure the positives will out way your negatives.
3. Accept Compliments!
When people sing your praises, let them! Never mind the fact that you may not agree with the things that they are saying. If someone says that your hair is pretty, just smile and say "thanks". Don't go on to say how its been three weeks since your last salon visit and you feel like you look mess.. JUST TAKE THE DAMN COMPLEMENT!
4. Make your circle the winning circle.
I mean, I think this is self explanatory. Keep good people on your team. That includes friends and family alike. If they don't have "nothing good for you", cut them loose. You can defiantly love people from a distance (if need be). Life is challenging enough, you don't need negative energy all up in your space.
5. Put effort into your daily appearance.
When you look good, you feel good! When you feel good, you do good. Put on some makeup. Try wearing vibrant colors. Put a lil "bling" on your appearance.
6. Work out!
Being active is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Not necessarily for weight loss but mostly because it's a great outlet to relax, relate, and release. During my weight loss journey, exercise was very important to me. That was the only time that I was able to be with myself and tune out the rest of the world. Just me, my music, and Jesus. After every workout my confidence level went up. I was proud of my actions, I saw changes in my body, I liked that I was being consistent, and I liked being able to accomplish my fitness goals. I mean, I was proud of myself! Because of that, I was more appreciative of my body and spirit. It may not have been much for some but it meant a lot to me because I knew how far I had came. Even if it's a 30 min walk around the neighborhood, get out, get active and be with yourself.
Whether you're in a relationship or single (especially if your single), you need to date! Of course if you're in a relationship, date your partner lol.... but guuurl if you are single, play THAT field hunny! Go on and get cute (and fed) as often as possible. Let someone(s) treat you nice! It doesn't have to be anything serious, just have fun. If you don't have a date, flirt! Men are stupid and sometimes you have to make choices for them. Make yourself their choice. No single man is going to turn down the attention of a curvy diva. TRUST! And if he does, all he can say is "no". And for every no, there are a thousand yesses. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Like I said, just have fun.
8. Be Thankful
While you're dwelling on "what's wrong with you", some people don't have that luxury to complain. I hear women say that they hate their arms or legs. Well, some people don't have arms and legs to hate. So be thankful for your flaws. We are all flawed! No one is perfect and if you think they are, things are never as they seem. I remember having a little unwanted envy towards another chick. She was just perfect to me! I couldn't hate on her if I tried. It seemed like everything that I wanted in life, she had already obtained. Her hair was perfect. Her body was perfect. Her boyfriend had money lol. They jets setted all across the world. She was established in her career and she dressed her ass off. I just wanted what she had. ( LOL it is so ridiculous now that I think about it). I later learned that she had lost her mom at a young age. She was unable to conceive. She hated her body and her boyfriend was a serial cheater. Knowing those things about her made me so much more appreciative for my own life. Now, I wouldn't change me for nothing. Even though I may not be where I want to be, I know that there are people who pray for things that God has blessed me with. For that I am grateful. So I say, be done complaining about your complexes. Learn to change what you dislike and learn to love what you can't change. Life is just better that way.
9. Pray for it.
Some things are not going to come to you on its own. You must ask God to guide your steps. Pray for your confidence but remember, nothing happens over night. Be steadfast in your prayers. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." ~ Philippians 4:6
10. Be Positive on Purpose.
Newton's law states, "Energy is not lost or destroyed, it is merely transferred from one party to the next." What you put out is exactly what you'll get in return. Put out good vibes and watch people take to you like the ocean to the sand. Positive thinking/action will always promote growth, and perspective. Most people are happy if they make up their minds to be. Being happy and positive does wonders for your confidence.
Welp, there you have it! Confidence is more than the way you walk, talk, and dress. It's an aura. It's something genuine and undefined. A confident women is a sure women. She's strong. She's a risk taker. She will always go for what she want and she will never settle for anything less. I hope this has helped someone. These are principles that I live by and they have brought me a mighty long way. Being truly confident comes with time. But putting forth the effort and making a conscious choice to pursue confidence will help you with your day to day life.